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by Diane G. Sanford, Ph.D.
Midlife and menopause is a time of many transitions. Shifting hormones may produce hot flashes, night sweats, memory loss, insomnia and mood swings. Our growing realization of life’s impermanence leads to taking stock of our successes and failures and how they compare to what we expected. Identity and esteem issues arise as roles change — for example, children leaving home cause us to question who we are and who we want to become. Through this, some of us will discover greater clarity, strength and confidence about ourselves, while others will feel confused, lost, distressed. We will be faced with our parents’ aging, our own aging, numerous relationship changes, leaving the workplace, resuming work, and multiple situations that may destabilize our sense of self and well-being. Cultivating a healthy mind, body and spirit is paramount to surviving and thriving midlife and menopause. Here’s what I suggest:
1. Be positive and open-minded. Viewing midlife as a journey and an opportunity to become more fully present in your life and in who you are will enable you to better weather the ups and downs. Research indicates that women who adopt this attitude have less intense physical symptoms, fewer mood issues, less esteem problems and more personal satisfaction. Be prepared to let go of pre-conceived ideas about your life and how it was supposed to be. Marcus Proust said, “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeing new lands, but in having new eyes.”
2. Rediscover you. Remember adolescence, when you took those shaky steps to becoming who you are? Welcome to “second adulthood,” as Susan Braun Levine describes it in her book, Inventing the Rest of Our Lives. Think about who you were before you became a worker, wife, mother, daughter, best friend. Ask yourself, who am I, deep down, where roles fall away and my character emerges? This is a chance to reconnect with parts of yourself you’ve buried and breathe new life into being creative, adventurous, bold, sensitive and more. It’s up to you.
3. Listen to your inner guidance. With estrogen declining and a deepening sense of life’s impermanence, many women discover a newfound freedom to loosen the bonds of being who they “should be” and becoming who they choose to be. When you can quiet the voices of what others want or want for you, you can hear your inner wisdom. At first, it may be hardly audible. The more you tune in, the stronger and clearer it becomes. It is not the voice of self-centeredness, but inner knowing that begins with self-compassion and extends to others. Listen wisely.
4. Choose nourishing relationships. At midlife, we may find that the relationships we’ve been in for years aren’t working well for us. Why? While it occurs for many reasons — like changing interests — frequently it’s because we don’t feel emotionally nourished and there isn’t enough give and take. The bottom line — don’t force yourself to stay in situations you’ve outgrown. Instead, ask yourself, honestly, do I enjoy being with this person? Does she/he bring something positive to my life even if it’s changed over time? How much do I want them to remain a part of my life? Respect, equally, what you want and what you need. It’s time.
5. Reduce hot flashes. Now, for some body wisdom. While hot flashes are a product of estrogen shifts, certain substances and situations will aggravate them. So, limit your consumption of alcohol, caffeine, spicy foods and hot beverages. Dress in layers and sleep with a foot or arm uncovered to stay cooler. Reduce stress by shortening your to-do list, taking regular breaks, exercising, and practicing relaxation. Practicing 15 to 20 minutes of deep breathing or meditation daily has shown to decrease hot flashes up to 70 percent. If you have trouble sitting still, try yoga or pilates. Discover what works for you.
6. Build heart and bone health. With declining estrogen, women are at increased risk for heart disease and osteoporosis. Heart disease is the number one cause of death in women over 50, and complications from osteoporosis including hip fracture, disability and death. Exercise and good nutrition are keys to maintaining good health. Twenty to 30 minutes of weight-bearing exercise, e.g. walking, weight training or circuit workout, combined with cardio building, e.g. jogging, aerobics, swimming, several times weekly is recommended. Daily calcium intake for peri- and post-menopausal women should total 1200 to 1500 milligrams, along with 800 units of vitamin D. Choosing calcium-rich, high-protein and low-fat foods will support bone and heart health.
7. Enjoy sex. With hormonal and relationship shifts, sex often changes at midlife and menopause. According to Jacob Klein, M.D., director of obstetrics and gynecology at Missouri Baptist Medical Center, “As women go through perimenopause, arousal proceeds desire,” meaning that women need to feel aroused to be interested in sex. “It’s like going to a restaurant when you’re not really hungry, but your appetizer arrives — you see other people eating and you start feeling hungry,” he commented. Physical symptoms of vaginal dryness and decreased lubrication may lessen interest and pleasure, but having sex regularly will offset these symptoms. So understand what’s going on, don’t take it personally, make adjustments and have fun.
8. Live on purpose. Creating the life you want may be the biggest challenge and opportunity that women face at midlife. It involves discovering and prioritizing what matters most to us, and then taking actions to pursue these values and goals. For one woman, it might be returning to school and completing a degree that she interrupted to have children. For another, it means leaving a marriage that for years has not been nourishing. It requires courage to follow our heart whether or not others approve or understand, and accept responsibility for the life we create and to live our dreams.
9. Create a spirit-filled life. What this means is having a sense of connection with something bigger than oneself, whether it’s God, nature or the universe. Spirit gives us a feeling that there is more to life than our physical existence. At midlife, when the reality of our mortality confronts us, many of us long for this knowing. The ways we attain spiritual connectedness are varied and range from organized religion or individual spiritual practices, and all ways have value. Look to Joan Borysenko, Ph.D., and Gordon Dverin, Ph.D., authors of Your Soul’s Compass for ideas about accessing your spirituality.
10. Embrace stewardship. As our connection with something bigger than ourselves grows, we often discover an interest in protecting and caring for our community and our planet. We want our children and others we love — even those we don’t know — to be free of the inner and outer obstacles that hindered them. In becoming more fully who we really are as individuals, we discover a love and respect for all that is. Healing ourselves helps the world toward a better tomorrow.
For me, the journey of midlife and menopause has been rich beyond words. This doesn’t mean it’s been easy, and each of us will have our share of ups and downs as we traverse this unexplored terrain. But this second adulthood affords us the opportunity to re-examine our lives with the wisdom, strength and resources we’ve gained, and to decide what matters and what’s next — time to dream again and to live our dreams.
Diane G. Sanford, Ph.D., is president of Women’s Healthcare Partnership in Creve Coeur, Missouri. She is the author of Postpartum Survival Guide and Midlife and Menopause: A Celebration of Women’s Health. She can be contacted at (314) 991-5666. www.drdianesanford.com.
| September Featured Stories |
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Coffee Break with the Barista
Creating Mind, Body & Spirit Health — One Peace at a Time, by Milan Galan, Ph.D.
Waking Up to the Truth About Sleep, by Jessica Wilson
The Power of Sound, by Marian Rein
Health Myths & Facts, by Pamela Kramer Childress
Mind, Body & Spirit Health at Midlife and Menopause by Diane G. Sanford, Ph.D.
Age – It’s Simply A Number, by Milan Galan, Ph.D.
Physical and Mental Well-Being Combining Body, Mind & Spirit, by Jill Barrett
Getting Better With Age: A Healthy Perspective, by Phylis Clay Sparks
A Piece of Kitchen Nostalgia Returns — Retro Appliance Comes to the Aid of Busy Families, by Mary K. Morgan
The Healthy Side of Your Morning Brew, by Marian Rein
Todd Lewis If you make a list, it will come by Pamela Kramer Childress
Toby’s Tale — More About Toby by Jessica Wilson
Live Large Spend Small by Mary K. Morgan - September 2008
Java Journal Movie Morsels by Mary Morgan - September 2008
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