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by Diane G. Sanford, Ph.D.
With swimsuit season fast approaching, many of us are rushing to get into shape. But which comes first, feeling good or looking good? When we don't feel good about ourselves, we may lack the energy and motivation to achieve our goals. Here are some suggestions about feeling good from the inside out so that you can create and sustain the changes you desire.
1. Pay attention to your positive qualities.
Make a list of what you like about yourself, whatever your weight, size or outward appearance. These are enduring aspects of who you are and could include: smart, funny, outgoing, thoughtful, patient, kind, etc. They represent the best of who you are that doesn’t change if your dress size does. Although you may be more focused on what’s wrong about you than what’s right, read your list daily to feel more optimistic and encouraged.
2. Let others help you recognize your strengths.
If you have trouble making a list of your good qualities, ask people you trust what they like about you. You may be afraid to find out, but usually other people see us more positively than we see ourselves. Add these qualities to your list. Notice when you display them. See yourself with new eyes.
3. Accept yourself as a whole person.
No one is perfect. Just because Sally is a size two with fabulous clothes and hair, it doesn’t mean she’s any happier than you. Most of us feel inadequate or flawed in one way or another, and the more self-critical we are, the worse we feel. The solution is to focus on your positive qualities and not see yourself as a horrible person as you make lifestyle changes.
4. Be kind to yourself.
Again, we are often more self-critical and negative about what we dislike about ourselves than others. If a friend was trying to create healthier lifestyle habits, we’d help her with advice and encouragement, especially if she was down. We wouldn’t tell her, “You’re such a loser. Why don’t you just quit now.” But, that’s frequently how we speak to ourselves. Instead, befriend yourself as you would a friend with encouraging and kind remarks.
5. Create confidence-building opportunities.
When we challenge ourselves to go beyond our comfort zone and then succeed, we feel good. For example, learning to swim in our fifties, running a marathon or taking up photography. It can also be something like mastering Photoshop®, making a flawless souffle, learning needlepoint. Each new triumph brings a stronger sense of positive feelings and self-esteem.
6. Find activities you enjoy and pursue them.
To feel good from the inside out, we need to take time weekly to participate in activities we enjoy. Whether this means being with friends, walking in nature, reading for pleasure, going to the gym, be sure to make time in your schedule. Feeling good derives, in part, from what we do, and working all the time at home or at the office will not satisfy this need. So, don’t keep telling yourself that enjoying life can wait. It can’t.
7. Savor positive moments.
Create opportunities for delighting your senses — a warm fire, holiday carolers, cookies baking. Notice what you’re doing fully and how you feel. Keep your attention in the present, not on the past or future. When we feel good, we release endorphins and other brain chemicals that enhance pleasure and calm. Likewise, feeling good helps us appreciate ourselves and have a more positive outlook on life.
8. Take good care of yourself—physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
You can’t feel good when you’re run-down, depleted, hungry, sleep-deprived. As Wayne Dyer says, “We are human beings, not human doings,” so we need to take time to nourish our bodies and spirits for optimal health and well-being. Think of how much more easily anger, frustration and other negative feelings trigger when you’re physically and emotionally exhausted. Do yourself a favor and practice self-care.
9. Practice gratitude.
Each morning when you awaken and at night before you go to sleep, think about at least one thing you’re grateful for. Do this throughout the day by noticing kindness extended to you and others. Just observing an act of kindness can boost your immune system. And the effect is even stronger if you’re the one giving or receiving it. Remember to do all you can to feel good.
10. Let your inner beauty shine.
The more you practice the above steps, the more you will feel better about yourself and what you can do. Feeling good from the inside out will help you achieve your goals by removing the obstacles of self-criticism, self-doubt and guilt. A problem will be just that—a situation requiring a solution, not confirmation of what an inept, flawed person you are. Kindle the light within you to energize and sustain change. Treasure the treasure you are!
Diane G. Sanford, Ph.D., is President of Women’s Healthcare Partnership in Creve Coeur, Missouri. She is the author of Postpartum Survival Guide; Midlife and Menopause: A Celebration of Women’s Health. www.drdianesanford.com.
(314) 991-5666.
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