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Diane G. Sanford, Ph.D.
May is national depression screening month, and because stress can intensify mood and emotional health problems, I thought I’d write about de-stressing.
Research has shown that the stress/fight or flight response triggers up to 50 times daily in American adults. The release of cortisol and epinephrine into our bloodstream in response to internal or external threat leads to physical health complications including heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes and emotionally feeling bad. So, here are my recommendations reducing stress.
1. One thing at a time. While multi-tasking may be commendable, many of us try to cram too much into too little time. Recently, I saw one woman eating breakfast and reading the paper while driving to work. Or, people who go for a walk with their cell phones turned on. When you focus your attention on one thing, life becomes less stressful and more satisfying — like eating a piece of gourmet chocolate one bite at a time.
2. Life is not an emergency. Because doing too much has become what we aspire to, people often feel stressed and alarmed. Instead of taking situations or mishaps in stride, things seem worse than they are and our sense of urgency builds — creating more frustration and distress. So, stop, take 10 deep breaths and clear your head to recognize what’s truly important and deserving of your attention.
3. Don’t live in the wreckage of the future. A client shared this AA saying with me, and it’s helped me redirect myself to living in the present. Worrying about the future, which none of us can predict, builds worry and anxiety. Because life unfolds moment to moment, keeping our attention and action focused in the present is the best way to create the peaceful life we want.
4. Eat dessert first. This goes along with #3. Don’t put off enjoying your life. Start savoring daily living. Every few days, make time for an activity or interest that makes your heart sing. It’s the small things that bring joy and satisfaction. Go for a drive, watch the sunset, gaze at the stars. Life is filled with yummy experiences — be open to them.
5. Don’t make assumptions. Stay open-minded. Like living in the wreckage of the future, we frequently make ourselves miserable over what we think other people are thinking and saying. How many times have you heard what someone mistakenly said and taken it negatively. It’s much easier to ask someone what they meant and spare everyone the harm of false assumptions. Try it next time.
6. Don’t take things so personally. This is another of my favorites. Frequently, if someone is upset or stressed, it may seem like they are unhappy with you. Usually, they’re struggling with themselves and we need to recognize this. Take responsibility for anything you’ve said or done, but don’t blame yourself for more than your share. Feeling bad won’t fix their issues. So, do what you can and let go of the rest.
7. Cast off your inner critic. Focusing on our negative qualities or mistakes increases stress and discontent. These mental habits have developed over years — they are challenging but possible to change. Make a list of your positive qualities, today! The next time your critic sounds off, talk back with words of kindness and love toward yourself. Treat yourself as well as you do others.
8. Maintain a positive outlook toward yourself and your life. See the glass as half full. Again, this may conflict with habitual mental patterns, but you can do it. Gather positive, inspiring messages and read them daily. I recommend reading Wayne Dyer’s book titled, Wisdom of the Ages, and Melody Beattie’s book titled, The Language of Letting Go. Both books are very uplifting. Find a favorite poem or prayer that speaks to you. Retrain your brain to think more positively.
9. Make time for relaxation and meditation. Because these activities disarm the fight or flight response and produce physical calm, we need to practice them daily. If you can’t devote 15 to 20 minutes, twice daily (which is optimal), breathe deeply while stopped at traffic lights or go for a mindful walk. Start where you’re able. Do what you can.
10. Be yourself. Not being true to who you really are can be stressful. For example, one of my clients who’s somewhat introverted, decided she needed to be more outgoing, so she pushed herself to socialize and eliminated most of her private time — which made her unhappy. We need to respect ourselves while stretching to grow beyond our comfort zone. Truly, a balancing act.
And just so you know, the recommendations in this column and others I’ve written are practices that I incorporate into my daily life. I don’t believe you can talk the walk without being on the path yourself. Living more consciously and intentionally is not easy — certainly not in a culture that encourages us to do it all, have it all, be it all. But, it is the only way I know to move from a stress-filled to a joy-filled life. Let me know at Java Journal what you’re doing to create the life you desire. Namaste.
Dr. Diane Sanford is a licensed psychologist who provides business coaching and relationship management training for individuals and organizations. You can contact her at (314) 991-5666, ext. 1 or through her website, www.drdianesanford.com.
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